Day 3 Success.. #30Layers30Days

How do you define success?  What words and feelings come to mind when you think of it?  What scares you the most about success and how do you (consciously or unconsciously) avoid it?  In your mind, how does courage relate to success?

Success is living a life that you enjoy...whatever that may be.  The words that come to mind are freedom and love.  The scary thing about success is wondering when the tables will turn.  When things get too good I subconsciously think about all that could go wrong.  Ways I avoid it are making excuses for how my success "might" change me as a person or push away those around me.  Courage is directly related because you have to be able to deal with those around you changing as well as the responsibility of remaining successful.  You can't just accomplish things and stop putting forth the effort.

All The Many Layers

I'm a blog geek!

I came across another great blog and blogger (@GGReneeWrites) and her posts spoke volumes and some of her words were exactly thoughts that I have had as well as situations I am currently in.  Check out her blog All The Many Layers and get inspired...I will be participating in the 30 day writing challenge #30Layers30Days, as you can see I am 3 days late but I will do all three days in this post.  I will try my hardest to do my post each day...working on discipline and focus!  Other than patience those are the hardest two areas of my life!

Day 1... Here and There : Are you where you always thought you'd be at this point in your life?  How do you feel about the distance between where you are and where you want to be?  How do you find peace in the moment, right where you are, at any given time?

  * In my life now I am actually where I thought I would be at this point...I always had the typical goals of graduate high school, college, get a 9-5 jobs, start a family and live happily ever after!  I'm not married yet but my partner and I are committed to each other 100% and marriage is definitely on its way and we have two amazing boys, I have a job and I've graduated high school and college all by the age of 30...typical right??  But guess what...I am still unfulfilled!  Now that I have the things I always thought would bring pure bliss has prompted me to search for what brings purpose to my life and the feeling of fulfillment.  I love love love being a mom and having a family...I'm in my element when I am doing that but where the lack of fulfillment comes in is having to be away from my children all day and coming home to my man and kids tired as hell working a job that is not the most fulfilling.  Don't get me wrong, we are BLESSED beyond measure but now I want to be in a career where I can control my time more and be with my family more at my best self...The distance between where I am and where I want to be makes me feel anxious because I have worked my whole life for the goals above so now trying to focus on new goals of time control and fulfilling work has me feeling like I'm starting from square one.  The way I find peace is constantly reading self-help books, blogs and watching interviews of those who are where I am trying to be.  That gives me peace knowing a lot of people started exactly where I am and they have changed their circumstances with hard work and DISCIPLINE lol I also have peace knowing that I have a family who supports me and my kids are happy but I myself, want to give them more of me...not the tired and drained mommy and partner who passes out by 9pm :-) I'm sure there are those who can relate.

Day 2 ... Upper Limit: What is the highest level of creativity, responsibility, abundance, influence, accomplishment that you can realistically imagine for yourself?  How high do your dreams go?  What is your highest vision and do you truly, madly, deeply believe that vision can become a reality?

* Realistically...hmmm, I'm getting there.  But I have sooo many creative ideas and goals that I would love to accomplish but where I always draw the line, which I need to stop, is knowing where and how to start and also finding people to help with the visions that I can't achieve by myself.  My dreams go very high which I can admit, is intimidating.  But through my process of a new mindset I'm starting to be able to actually believe these things can be done.  My highest vision is to first and foremost be out of the 9-5 rat race, get paid for writing and photography.  These two interests that I have will allow me to travel with my family as well as have more control over my time.  This will take more discipline and different types of long hours but I will have a lot more freedom.  

My ultimate long term goal is to be a consultant for the transformation of the education system.  The system is very outdated and is failing lots of the youth.  I want to learn as much as I can on the different ways kids learn and how these methods can be incorporated in the schools so no child is "labeled" because they happen to get a teacher who doesn't teach in the way they can learn.  I would like to travel to different states and countries to learn different methods used at successful schools, particularly "Project Based Schools" and bring them to the school districts in all areas where they have low performance and high dropout rates.  Mainly the public schools because not everyone can afford to pay for private education or homeschooling for their children and financing should not determine if you get a good education or not.  I want to basically bridge the gap between schooling and education.  I do believe this vision can become a reality because there are many people who know the schools need revamping and I would be willing to work with those individuals to get the ball rolling.

Day 3 ... Failure: How do you define failure?  What words and feelings come to mind when you think of it? What scares you the most about failure and how do you (consciously or unconsciously) avoid it?  What do you care about enough that you would risk failure, in spite of your fears, just for the experience of pursuing it no matter what happens?

*   Failure is lack of happiness and not living in your purpose.  There can be moments when we are unhappy but being unhappy daily is what I feel is failure.  Fear, depression, embarrassment and avoidance come to mind when I think of failure.  I get scared of failure rubbing off on my kids, I want them to SEE how to live in their purpose and live a fulfilled life, following their true passions.  We can tell a child all day what they can do and should do but they mainly imitate what their role models DO.  I try to avoid failure by striving to be a better me and stay in turned to ME which will lead me where I need to go.  I used to feel failure was not being successful when trying new things but now I have learned that those failures are only lessons to take with you once you get up and keep moving forward.  I used to avoid failure by procrastinating and making excuses and sometimes just not even trying and remaining in my comfort zone.  I care enough about my sanity and my family's daily routines that I would risk failure.  I want us to have the luxury of doing work we actually enjoy, my kids actually learning about LIFE and not regurgitating "facts" that are taught in school.  Being able to truly be themselves not having to conform to be the "image" that will land them a job but being themselves and creating jobs for themselves and others.

Soooo there are my Days 1 -3 for the 30 Days 30 Layers challenge...I hope you all join in!!

Thanks again GG!!!

Patience ...Be careful what you ask for

Becoming a patient person is the most challenging but rewarding thing in life!  About 7 years ago I was praying and sincerely asked God to help me be a more patient person.  Boy did that prayer get answered!  I have been tested in EVERY area of my life in dealing with patience and I can definitely say I have seen much progression but I'm not there yet.  I was sooo impatient, I needed things to happen right away!  If it didn't happen in MY timing, I would say well this isn't for me.  In those 7 years I have read countless books on people who inspire me or just self help books in general and it all boils down to patience, thoughts and enjoying the journey.  I am a youtube and interview junkie I read and watch interviews of people in all industries because I need to continuously remind myself that great things in the making take time.  Going through this I have researched and taken interest in soooo many areas that I would have NEVER thought about had I gotten the things that I wished for 7 years ago!  Patience in a way, can guide you to your purpose.  When you don't get what you want right away you continue to try different things that are more fitting for YOU...a lot of times we think we know what we want but once we explore other avenues we see there is so much more to do in life.



I went from just wanting a good job that paid me lots of money doing minimal work to actually wanting a career that is inspiring and helping others.  I would only apply to jobs based on the salary, I didn't care what the job title was and guess what I had NO INTERVIEWS for any of those positions I had applied to.  So I'm like God what is going on...I have a million resumes, cover letters and job applications and in 7 years not ONE has come through.  So it forced me to search deeper to see what God is trying to show me.  I am so much more knowledgeable about life in general and I've noticed my focus has been more on schools and the outdated system that is destroying a lot of our kids.  So I literally obsess over videos and books regarding kids and how they learn and I feel that is an area I'm really interested in. 

But back to the topic at hand, on the constant journey of patience you can learn a lot about yourself and what it is that really motivates you.  Don't get me wrong there are days where I am frustrated to the MAX!  I get down right pissed off!  But I have to keep doing my part and moving forward because like Big Sean said in one of his videos KNOWING that what you ultimately want is coming in the future changes your attitude.  Until you change your mindset, nothing will open up for you. 

"Patience is not simply the ability to wait - It's how we behave while we're waiting " ~ Joyce Meyers

I'm definitely focusing on my behavior during the waiting period, I have been on bad behavior for a while!

A year later....

WOW!  i haven't blogged in almost a year to date!  A lot has changed since the last blog post...wheeeew!

Our family has welcomed a new baby boy CRUZ ALEXANDER!!!  He is now 7 months and is a ball of bouncing energy!  Always trying to keep up with big brother Cayden who loveeesssss his little brother and has adjusted perfectly.  Cruz was born on April 23rd, 2014 weighing in at 8lbs 5 oz and was 3 days late and my labor was induced.  I guess he said he was enjoying the good meals and warm temperatures and we had to come get him!

My head has been all over the place with adjusting, wanting to make changes that aren't as easy to make at the moment and the injustices that are STILL taking place in society.  I just wish all black people as well as other races could just ban together and revamp the entire school system, start our own if we must, help each other instead of compete with each other, get help with past issues if it will help move forward to live life to the fullest and just promote the things our great grandparents did such us God, love, family and happiness.  I'm definitely not innocent but sometimes it's discouraging when you want to start a movement or provoke change when others say they are down for it make no moves when it's time to take action. 

Anyway, I just wanted to post something since I hadn't been on here in foreverrrr!  I was attempting to start my new site twobrownboys.com but had some technical difficulties but I will not give up! :-) You all will be hearing back from me sooner than later!

Congrats to my Mama!! (a whole month later)

So we ventured out to LA back in October and had a ball!!  The weather was perfect, the traffic was ehhh but the palm trees made it all better and we made it to Roscoe's!!!  And most importantly, my mom and a couple of her friends finished the Half marathon!!!  I was so happy for them and my mom was too funny when they called her name as she crossed the finish line! lol! Of course Cayden was in tow and enjoyed himself as always, he made it to the cockpit and took over the controls as usual.  He loooveeessss airplanes so I was just as excited as he was!  Here are a few pics from our escape.  Oh yeah, we made it on the TMZ tour too...too bad we didn't see anyone and the weather dropped 10 degrees within 20 minutes and I was freezing!  Luckily they had blankets for us :-)

At the Finish Line!! 

We ventured into the Hollywood Hills to crab a flick of the Los Angeles skyline and the houses we saw were a DREAM!  You also saw a lot of security gates and tour vans but it was worth the drive to capture such a breathtaking photo.  I had to get a picture of my palm trees, I'm going to find a way to plant one in my backyard lol  Traveling is one of my passions and I wish one day I can do it and get paid for and take my family along for all the experiences.  I like to get away from the daily routines from time to time and just relax.  Cayden was definitely a trooper and I made sure I took him to the Children's museum out there which is really nice, Mr Bones Pumpkin patch where he could go inside the gate to feed the animals.  I was more nervous than he was and of course he tried to sit and lay on the goat.  My baby loves animals lol!  I have include some pics in the Cayden's corner section of my blog.

Tell Em' Kanye!!

I have found yet another interview proving why Kanye is so dope!  Yeah Yeah Yeah he is always in his feelings and overly emotional but when you really believe in what you are speaking and doing it gets frustrating when others try to downplay you and take you for a joke.  I really understand what he is getting people to try to see but like he said society and the media has warped our brains into thinking totally different.  Racism has evolved into class-ism which happened years and years ago but it's now coming back around.  I loved the example he used about women buying overly expensive bags to feel like they are better than the next person when having a lot of nice things doesn't equal to you having a good quality of life.  That is sooo true!  Now, he never said having nice things was wrong but when you get these things to make yourself feel above the next, that is where the line is drawn.  I agree with him that quality time with your family is the ultimate having EVERYTHING and having the best quality of life. 



Skip to 1:45 to start with Kanye...this is also part 2 of the full interview.  Kanye has what a lot of people lack now days and that is...pure PASSION

Shameless Maya ... +++++ Energy

So this chic is like my virtual BFF!!  I sooo love her and I stalk her youtube page looking out for all her new videos lol #dontjudgeme.  I just love her energy and like she says she isn't perfect but she is always looking to inspire others to live their life on purpose and shamelessly.  Below is her latest video about how she stays positive and it was so on point!  I have definitely done a lot of these things but sometimes it takes one bad circumstance to throw you off your high energy horse :-(  Be sure to check out all her videos and you can see her transformation from her Day 1 of 365 days of living shameless.  It's just amazing how you can change your life by taking action and focusing, this is what inspired me because I actually watched her transform herself and her life, literally one day at a time...ok maybe one week at a time lol



I've pulled out my journal I keep in my purse to jot down a few new goals and I have to pray daily to remain focused.  The thing that throws me off is when I'm on the right track and someone or something just throws me for a loop and I'm like WTF did I do???  Then I go on this negative vindictive rant in my head and plotting out my revenge then I'm back to my confused state of mind!  Did I mention I'm a cancer....we forget NOTHING.  But I'm working on that....

Rome was not built in a day lol!  Enjoy and Happy Friday!!

Kanye & Zane Lowe Interview...GOOD SHIT

I love Kanye West!  No matter how over the top he is, he always speaks his truth and truth in general.  His timing may be off at times but he says what needs to be heard but because media curbs what is put out it's always a big uproar.  We are afraid to ruffle some feathers, myself included that's why at the end of the day I can respect Kanye.  This interview was really good!  He's just a passionate guy trying to keep people aware of what's REALLY going on in society.  We have so many negative distractions to take our focus off of the lies that are being fed to us.



"That's the main thing people are controlled by, their perception of themselves.  They're slowed down by their perception of themselves"

This statement was so true!  If you feel you can't do anything, you will NOT do anything and we have to challenge ourselves daily to do something we thought we could not do.  Even down to the smallest things...

You have to Listen to Yourself....

Mater Mea plug again...i really like Hannan's interview!  A lot of times I feel I can't pursue certain things since being a parent is my first priority but reading her interview and she has THREE boys I know I can do it.  She clearly says it's not easy but it's worth it and it makes you an even happier parent.  It's just so scary getting out of your cubicle life and having to go after what's uncertain.