Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Speaking Up...Truth Heals


Speaking up can be a scary thing for many of us, I know for me it is because I HATE conflict. Also when I say things at times I don't know nice ways to say it and I never want to hurt a person's feelings even if what I am saying is the truth. So to spare someone's feelings and avoid conflict I will rather just say nothing. The saying is true "you can't handle the truth"!!! We all say we want to hear it but if it does not line up with what we HOPE to hear we get hurt, offended and upset. But once the truth has been spoken and the feelings have died down, it can begin to heal situations and relationships because all parties are aware of true feelings. The key to the truth being a healer and not a killer is the motive.....

We should never intentionally try to hurt a person's feelings because that will definitely backfire and make matters worse. But if deep down inside the goal is to help one become better or to help two or more better understand each other, things will eventually work out. It will take time because people's feelings can get hurt easily especially if it is coming from a person who never speaks up or if the person is not used to others voicing their opinions. A lot of times we genuinely think we are right in many situations and until the truth is brought to our attention we will continue to act and feel the same. I know my feelings get hurt when I hear the truth but I can respect it and I also think really hard about what I've been told. But the source has to be reliable. Some people say things that are just really bogus but we know when a person really wants to help and we also know areas that we need to work on but we choose to ignore them.

Recently, I was in a situation where I was forced to say a lot of things that I had been holding in for years and I felt really bad after wards! But I reminded myself of the goal and my motives and they were all in line so I just have to leave it up to time to heal the feelings. In me stating how I had been feeling I got a lot of feedback that I needed and I felt a lot better. Some of my assumptions were even cleared up and we both knew exactly where each other stood. Conflict is inevitable so sometimes we need to move towards "healthy" conflict and it will make you a more confident person and you will also see the quality of relationships improve over time. Expressing oneself opens up the lines of communication and communication is key in any relationship not just with a significant other. You develop more intimate relationships when you get below the surface. We can all put on a good face but we all have things that we want to say to many people but are afraid of conflict or the outcome.

So find a way to say what's on your sure to think about your words because words are powerful. If you are just starting out, maybe write a letter then discuss the letter after it has been read. But there will be a big weight lifted once speaking up becomes the norm and in order to get what you want in life you have to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN & ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT! No one is a mind reader and hoping people will just know how you feel will leave you upset and frustrated every time.

I hope this helped someone....

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